Beijing十一天 (Day 12)

So the first week of real classes and tests are over and the weekend is finally here. I think this week was more intense than the first week since we were doing new material for the first time. We all agree that it can't get more intense at this point. It has reached a point of intensity that I've never felt before. Well, today we hiked Changcheng (The Great Wall) on a nice overcast misty day. Haha, actually it wasn't the best day to climb up Changcheng because viability was about 1/4 mile tops. But none of that mattered since it was the Great Wall. On our way up the steep not-as-touristy part of the wall we met a bunch of people from all over the world. I spotted French tourists, a choral group mainly from Florida, a bunch of Russians, and my friend saw an Iranian. On the top we met some crazy Russians that were jumping around from wall to wall thousands of feet up the Great Wall. We were all tired by the end of the climb but it was well worth it. The views were picturesque even though visibility was so low. After coming back, I went out with some friends to The Banana Leaf, supposedly one of the best Thai places in Beijing. Our That's BJ magazine described it as "Disney on speed." It couldn't have been a better description of the place. Fake trees, alligators, and a troupe of Filipino musicians/wannabe pop stars really made it live up to the hype. Alright, so finally I sat down with my buddies Alison, Charlie, and Dan, and created a list of all of the moments so far that make China so great.

Things That Make China "China" Moments:

1. Funk Pockets - These are randomly placed along the street with no sign of origin, fecal matter, or any other possible funk. Some of them are regulars, for example the bridge right across from "Kro's" that we call "Funk River".

2. Ba Shirts (Pig Shirts) - Men who roll their shirts up to their armpits. Usually this is accompanied by a large potbelly. If its especially hot out and the humidity's up, the shirts are rolled up higher and you'll be spotting these guys with more frequency.

3. Umbrellas - It doesn't matter if the sun's out, you'll see every girl/woman sheltered by her umbrella/parasol. Sometimes the piaoliang de guniang (pretty girls) hold their umbrellas for their nan pengyous (boyfriends). I hear fair skin is important for Chinese people so no one wants a tan.

4. a. The Girlfriend Seat - The girlfriend sits sideways on the bike holding on to their nan pengyou (boyfriend). Usually the girl hold our her parasol over her boyfriend for sun protection.

4. b. The Boyfriend Seat - The opposite of "The Girlfriend Seat." A rare happening that usually results in the girlfriend struggling to pull the weight of her boyfriend.

4. c. Old Men Carrying Lots of Stuff on Their Bike - Piles of wood and scrap metal stacked eight feet high on the back of the bike while the man smokes a cigarette and moves at about 2 miles/hour.

5. The Sun - Being confused if it's the Sun or the Moon, grey sky = blazing hot weather and lots of pollution, blue sky is extremely rare.

6. Not Willing to Pay 2 Kuai for Water, but Dropping 12 Kuai for a DQ Blizzard

7. 80s Fashion - Perms, silver pants and track suits, gold shoes, Michael Jackson

8. MJ and Houston Rockets - Everyone loves Michael Jordan even though he retired years ago (he still makes an appearance on a lot of the Gatorade bottles here) and the Rockets (Yao Ming's team even though T-Mac is more popular here).

9. Being Able to Talk About People Without Them Knowing - You can talk about literally everything and no one will know. This includes: making fun of people in front of their face, talking about otherwise taboo subjects, complaining about squatters (see #11).

10. Traffic Regulations - Any sort of signage on the road is pretty much useless in China. Red means stop in the middle of the road when a car or bike is about to hit you or speed up and get to the other side of the street. Lanes are nonexistant. Honking is encouraged and used even when it isn't necessary, especially at pedestrians.

11. Toilets - The Squatter...toilets are rare and you must learn to squat and use your own toilet paper. Most of the toilets consist of holes in the ground and nothing else. This is a challenge everyday. I fear for my life at each passing moment and try to avoid the #2.

12. Getting Stared At - You know they just want to be our Gemenrs (Homeboys). Everyone seems to think we're from another planet. Alison looks a southern islander. Charlie looks like a giant and regularly gets in photo-ops with strangers. I look like an American and people like to stare at me too.

13. Olympics - Everywhere you look. Gift Stores, T-Shirts, Countdowns, Signs, Ads.

14. Being Laughed At For Attempting to Speak Chinese.

15. Pollution - Black snot and grey phlegm, inhaling about 10 packs of cigarettes/day, coming back from campus panting because you can't get enough oxygen, going for a run for 20 minutes and recovering for the next hour.

16. Public Excretion - Lots of people don't seem to be afraid to drop their pants in public and do their business without any second thoughts.

17. a. Lack of Proper Doors - Instead the Chinese love to use plastic, slime/grease/fecal matter/sweat covered door entrances.

17.b. Mega-Cantings (Cafeterias) - With the massive amount of students on campus they need cafeterias that can fill thousands of students. At lunch time, everything shuts down and everyone grabs food. These huge cafeterias are filled with students and you need eagle vision to find seats, let alone figure out how to order your food.

18. Sweat.

19. Children yelling and running wild outside at midnight. Crowds of people everywhere no matter what time or where you are.

20. Flag Raising Ceremony Every Morning at 7:50am sharp outside Haidian Gym involving morning calisthenics and saluting the flag.

21. KTV/Karaoke Everywhere - It's what people do for fun here.

22. "Wo men qu AAzhi" - "Going Dutch", Every English-speaking Chinese person seems to know this saying.

23. Bargaining - Every last kuai matters. It doesn't make a difference that 1 kuai is about 15 cents.

24. The Foreigner Stare - Westerners look at you like you're from a different planet when you say "Hello" to them. The consequence of this makes everyone turn into a disgruntled foreigner with a case of the Marco Polo Syndrome (thinking they discovered this country and no one else matters).

25. Kenny G and Titanic Everywhere - Today at the Carrefor we listened to Kenny G on repeat for the third time this week. When you don't hear Kenny G you hear the Titanic theme song blasting from the nearest speakers of the shop/restaurant.

26. Censorship - When you're in China you are being watched all the time. I can't visit anything that is .blogspot.com which this site is, so hypothetically I can't see anything I'm writing. Alison was watching CNN one time and it blacked out for about 30 seconds as they were talking about democracy. Dan was talking with a friend on Skype and mentioned something about recording equipment possibly being in the room and his computer just turned off.

We'll be adding more to this list as we think of them.